A Letter to My Son- Caleb James

March 2025

Thank you, Ms. Marissa Locke, AP Literature instructor extraordinaire at SPHS, for this contemplative prompt…

May 2025

Dear Caleb James,

I love you…Inspired both by Polonius’ advice to his son in Hamlet and your love of language, the following highlights wisdom tenants that I have collected throughout my lifetime. My hope is that a few of these are already imprinted on your heart. Regardless, these are my own soul truths, unique to my journey and perspective. Your path will lend itself to new truths, unique unto you. And as all things in life go, pack only the essentials and leave the extra weight behind…

1.  Follow your inner compass. Almost everyone “will have an opinion”- some well-meaning and others self-serving. Your job, as a human connected to something greater than yourself, is to follow your truth, your inner compass. All of us have a “deep knowing within us- trust that voice and allow it to take the reins. The more you honor your inner truth, the stronger that voice will become.

2. If you pause when making a decision, listen to your body. If you drop into your body, the path forward will always be clear. Your choice will feel congruent and will never be rooted in scarcity or fear. The path forward is often led by a small flutter in your heart- a palpable excitement- a life force- something that yearns. Listen to this flutter. It is a felt experience not a list of pros and cons. Our western culture doesn’t always honor this truth, but your somatic experience is your best guide. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. If it seems too good to be true, like an Audi Q6 with 42,000 miles for $500, it is too good to be true. (Note: I looked up “fancy German car models” on Google.)

3. Don’t let people shit in your garden. People will project their fears, insecurities, and negativity, especially when they are unaware and struggling within themselves. Remember- you have a choice whether or not you allow others to shit in your garden. Boundaries-internal and external- are necessary to protect your peace. If someone treats you poorly in order to feel powerful or belittles you when they feel threatened, that is a defense mechanism that highlights their insecurities and character defects NOT your worth. Read that 1000x, it will apply- I promise…and if someone shows you who they truly are, believe them the first time…

4. As the universe echoed a few days ago, strive to live open-handedly. Allow the butterfly to land in your hand without clenching it. Attaching yourself to an outcome or a story takes you out of the present moment. If the metaphorical butterfly flies away, connect to the awe that it landed, albeit for a brief moment. If it stays, care for it with intention. 

5. Cultivate daily gratitude. A wise seminary professor once said, “all brokenness can be linked to a lack of gratitude”. I have thought about this gospel tenant (no pun intended) many times over the years; and it has survived reality testing time and time again… Gratitude is truly the foundation of contentment and joy. We live in a culture that divides; screams the word “mine”; and often rejects interconnectivity.  Everything from your breath to your newly hemmed pants is a gift. Nothing truly belongs to you- our job is to receive life’s bountiful offerings and steward these gifts well- from our health and relationships to our belongings.  If you work hard to earn money and then purchase your German dream car, connect to gratitude- not only for the car but for your physical ability to work and the opportunity itself. If you do not connect to gratitude, you will drown in empty entitlement and your bucket will always run empty. Sometimes our culture is akin to toddlers screaming “mine” in the sandbox while parents stand by and think, “Sweet Love- I bought that Tonka truck and gave it to you- please share your truck with Miles and stop throwing sand at Ocean…”

6. Every time you fall down or feel defeated, see it as an OPPORTUNITY to practice getting back up;) Learn from your “oops”; integrate the lessons; and level up…Avoid writing a story that your stumbles constitute failure. This is absurd and will keep you small. Furthermore, always own your mistakes. If you intentionally or unintentionally harm someone, “saying sorry” is not the solution, make it right by doing what needs to be done in order to “repair” the rupture. . 

7. When you travel, find the hidden paths. The real gems in every city or village are rarely tourist attractions. You will find abundant awe and beauty in the local folks’ wisdom- seek it out.

8. Notice and appreciate daily glimmers. Glimmers are defined as bite-sized moments of joy that we experience in our daily lives. Examples might include eating a warm chocolate chip cookie; watching Sparky roll onto his back like a baby Beluga; or catching a glimpse of a BMW M1 (had to look that up on ‘the Google’ as well);)

9. ALWAYS write thank-you notes and express gratitude, regardless of the gesture or gift. Not only does it fill the giver with goodness, it fills your marble jar as well. Expressing gratitude changes the heart…

10. Laugh at yourself. We are beautiful messy humans and embracing our messiness is an essential part of being alive. When we can laugh at ourselves, we allow radical self-compassion and acceptance to take root and grow. Laughing at ourselves is a sign we have let-go of our need to be polished and perfect- we have found beauty in the dusty corners. It also reflects that we understand our part in the shared human experience- we are not above it or below it- we are part of it. Our contradictions, hypocrisies, idiosyncrasies, and complex feelings are exactly what makes us human. 

I could offer a novel here, but in the spirit of brevity and your selective attention span (it takes one to know one), I will wrap this up with a few honorable mentions:

*Try is not a word. Do it or don’t do it. Try indicates lack of commitment. Thank you, Michele Downing. 

*Never eat leftover seafood.

*Always do your best work! Show up to every task with your best self, whether you are washing windows or interviewing for an internship. This will be the foundation of your character and work ethic.

*Show respect for others by honoring time commitments and thus planning accordingly.

*Never kill spiders. People have a tendency to harm what they fear- please don’t be that guy;)

*Never prioritize your agenda over stopping to help someone in your path. 

*Never dim your light to accommodate another person’s shadow. 

*Tip generously- an extra 10-20% elicits a positive butterfly effect;)

*Dance and/or sing every day.

*Value people over profit and treat everyone with respect, especially those that serve you.

*****Most importantly, text or call your mom often;)

Love, MOO MOO

Sleep Quality

Sleep quality is one of the most important health variables in our lives. Poor sleep quality disrupts our hormonal systems, energy levels, and muscle repair. Here are some simple tips to help improve your sleep quality:

1. Consider avoiding all screens 1-2 hours before bed. Keeping your phone in another room is also helpful!

2. Use a meditation app, meditation music, or a worry journal/brain dump to calm your mind before bed. Here is a guide on journaling thoughts: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201404/how-keep-thought-diary-combat-anxiety

3. If you frequently have to urinate in the night, try ceasing liquid intake a few hours before bed and/or reducing/eliminating alcohol in the evenings.

4. Make your room dark and cozy. Cool rooms usually help with sleep quality. You can also experiment with essential oils, weighted blankets, and memory foam pillows.

5. If urinating in the night is not an issue, try a small cup of herbal tea (mint, ginger, chamomile, etc.) before bed to relax you.

6. Practice a night routine in order to "train" your body to sleep.

7. If you are sensitive to caffeine intake, be mindful of ceasing caffeinated beverages early in the day.

8. Try taking Calm (magnesium citrate) before bed to relax your muscles.

9. Include a bath with epsom salts and/or essential oils as part of your night routine.

10. Finally, if you are struggling with racing repetitive thoughts and/or worry, consider the emotional real estate that’s being taken up in your brain. You have only so much bandwidth. How much space do you want this situation, this person, that conversation, that decision, this relationship to take up? Is it worth it?"

Lost in Thought- Tara Brach

“I am not my thoughts…”

"Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment." - Rumi

Thinking can point us to what is beyond words, but our fear thoughts can overtake us. We all have a tendency to lock into what is wrong in ourselves and the world- our reptilian brains are hard wired to see the “wrong” in order to survive.

If you are struggling with anxiety or fear in your body, pay attention to your mind. Our thoughts perpetuate our emotions…climbing into a news rabbit hole at 11pm can be physically debilitating and on the other side of the coin, looking for the Good and taking inventory of the beauty in and around you can be salve to the soul…

The video below is an excellent talk on how to first recognize and then transform your thoughts

Joy Box

Many of my clients build Joy Boxes. They decorate and fill a container with an assortment of paper scraps. Each scrap lists a small activity, sensation, or experience that brings joy, comfort, solace, etc.

For many, food and drink are default joy sources, but like anything, too much of something is never a good thing. Training your brain to reach for other comfort sources is an integral part of changing behavior. So here is my current “Quarantine Joy Box”. Hopefully something inspires you!

• Build a worm bin

• Plant a seedling

• Root a plant cutting

• Go on a Sidewalk Safari in your neighborhood

• Make leaf rubbings

• Collect leaves and identify them (including Latin) in a “leaf collection”

• Make a succulent craft

• Grow Acres of basil from a cutting

• Regrow veggies from a grocery store

• Listen to True Crime podcasts- Casefile Podcasts

• Reread a favorite book The Awakening- Kate Chopin

• Write a Haiku

  Ghost slips under dust

  Lighting illuminates spring

  Shadows through my toes

• Play with watercolors

• Sketch yourself

Create a magazine collage

• Learn the Bachata

• Make a Dance Party playlist and host a virtual dance party

• Pick tangerines and give them away

• Knot a chunky blanket

• Play with Robinhood stocks

• Batch cook meals and freeze them

• Make LCHF muffins- Lemon Sour Cream Muffins

• Create interval workouts to share with class

• Have a video pedicure party

• Call my loved ones on video

• Revisit the Artist’s Way

• Deliver groceries to a neighbor

• Practice Italian or brush up on French

• Start a virtual short story book club with friends using the Yellow Wallpaper

• Practice the guitar

• Do a kick flip on a skateboard

• Organize and sort digital photos

• Run, run, and run again…

Adaptation and Gratitude

During this season, many of us are dancing with rapid lifestyle change and countless unknowns. Some are wired to thrive with changing currents while others can get stuck in an internal fear vortex. Some want to “solve the inner angst” so they stockpile toilet paper and build fortresses of beans and rice- all in an attempt to create a sense of safety and control. Fear turns on our primal brains.

“When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into it’s dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment.


― Pema Chödrön”

This fear can be paralyzing and does damage on numerous fronts. First of all, our myopic hoarding isolates us from community (us against all mentality) and secondly, our fear thoughts can produce acute physiological stress. We know staying in a positive mindset is essential if we want to stay physically healthy- so how do we stay out of the trance of fear? There is a simple answer…

Gratitude

When I was in seminary, a wise professor said this, “all brokenness in the world can be linked to lack of gratitude…”

This quote was shared in a class lecture and embedded in my psyche… and now, almost 20 years later, I still agree- just in much deeper ways.

“The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.

-Henri Nouwen”

So how do we cultivate gratitude? Many of our clients have integrated a Gratitude Journal into their morning routine. It sounds trite, but according to feedback, this practice has been a significant variable in changing mindset and disposition. Here is a great practical guide on creating a Gratitude Journal from UC Berkeley.

Cultivating gratitude leads to deeper appreciation, not only for what you have (including your body) but also the kindness others extend towards you. As appreciation deepens so does empathy. Getting out of your own story and extending a hand to another is a goodness elixir. It is a scientific fact that giving increases positive chemicals in your body. If you need proof, here is a summary on the Neuroscience of Giving from Psychology Today,

So in closing, I want to share a dose of personal gratitude. I grew up in Dryden, Michigan in a small cottage nestled in a rural historical park. The cottage included a wood burning stove, a vacant outhouse in the backyard, and an artesian well. My parents ran a very tight ship when we were young. I remember collecting refund “pop” cans in the park with my mom, cutting coupons, rolling pennies, and foraging for wild asparagus on the side of the road for dinner. Most of our toys and clothes were hand-me-downs and towels hung like curtains on the bathroom window, but we didn’t know any comparison- we had enough.

Although we had very little material wealth by American standards, we were raised with an abundant mindset and were taught the joy of giving from an early age. If you are not familiar with scarcity vs abundant mindset- here is a great summary of scarcity mentality- the thrust is that you never feel you “have enough”. In contrast- we wrapped up toys from our small stash at Christmas to give to kids in need; rescued every stray that came to our door in the dead of winter; and always waited in the back of the buffet line.

Both of my parents could have succumbed to scarcity mentality. My dad knew both what it felt like to go to bed hungry and what it felt like to sleep in a fox hole. My mom knew what it felt like to be homeless and nomadic as a young girl in the 60s. Both of them knew poverty, but instead of closing their fists and hoarding their goods, they extended their hands to neighbors and strangers.

My parents were not religious- there was no one watching. They weren’t earning accolades for their generosity. Rather-their actions and kindness came from a place of deep empathy: and I will be forever grateful to them for this modeling. I believe my life overflows with love and goodness because I have experienced this truth:

“Authentic spellbinding joy is derived from giving out and bathing in abundant gratitude for all you have been given…”

My heart breaks for those whose fear has blockaded this joy…If you find yourself caught in a trance of fear and tight fisted living, perhaps starting a Gratitude Journal and/or reaching out to someone in need is an important first step in getting out of your own way.



Keeping Still: Pablo Neruda

KEEPING STILL

Pablo Neruda

Now we will count to twelve

and let's keep quiet.

For once on earth

let's not talk in any language;

let's stop for one second,

and not move our arms so much.

A moment like that would smell sweet,

no hurry, no engines,

all of us at the same time

in need of rest.

Fishermen in the cold sea

would stop harming whales

and the gatherer of salt

would look at his hurt hands.

T hose who prepare green wars,

wars with gas, wars with fire,

victories vvith no survivors,

would put on clean clothes

and go for a walk with their brothers

out in the shade, doing nothing.

Just don't confuse what I want

with total inaction;

it's life and life only;

I'm not talking about death.

If we weren't so single-minded

about keeping our lives moving

and could maybe do nothing for once

a huge silence might interrupt this sadness

of never understanding ourselves,

of threatening ourselves with death;

perhaps the earth could teach us;

everything would seem dead

and then be alive.

Now l will count up to twelve

and you keep quiet

and I will go.

Shame Spiral

“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. ”

— Brene' Brown

This is a great summary of a SHAME SPIRAL. Many of us struggle with this trance. Identifying and naming our own patterns is the first step in shifting the downward spiral.

Tara Brach on Love

We are hard-wired for belonging. In this short 5-minute video, Tara shares the wisdom of children as they answer the question: What does love mean?

“Without patience, we will learn less in life. We will see less. We will feel less. We will hear less. Ironically, rush and more usually mean less.” Mother Theresa

EROS

In honor of V-Day, here are some practical relationship tips from Kyle Benson. Kyle works with the Gottman Institute , which researches the understanding of relationships and adds to the development of interventions that have been carefully evaluated.

“Valentine's Day is a reminder to cherish, emotionally connect, and romance our lover. While buying chocolate, roses, and teddy bears is cute, I think what our partner wants most is to know that we cherish who they are and the way they enhance our lives.

Here are four tips for helping your partner feel cherished today:

1. Ask open-ended questions about your "Story of Us" such as: "What was your first impression of me?" Then share your first impression of your partner. Talk about what you found exciting or how you felt nervous to talk to them. Then ask your significant other, "What is your favorite memory of us?" and "What were your top three highlights in our relationship from this past year?" Share about ways you think your relationship has grown and how you two have overcome challenges together.

2. Tell your partner five things you cherish about them and give an example. For example, "I love how playful you are. During our last date, you made things extra playful by starting that guessing game during dinner. I really cherish that about you because it makes my life so fun."

3. Go through any photos you took during the past year and share what you loved about those photos or the experiences you captured in the photo. One of my favorite photos is one of me and my partner snorkeling as it reminds me of how adventurous we are during our vacations.

Bringing up playful and enjoyable memories can help invite more closeness and connection.

4. Romance your partner. Tell your partner what you find attractive about them. Kiss them. Hold their hand. Flirt. Do all the things you did when you first started dating to impress them.” Kyle Benson

“Vitally, the human race is dying. It is like a great uprooted tree, with its roots in the air. We must plant ourselves again in the universe.” ― D.H. Lawrence”

---

The Mamba, The Man

Most recognize the baller

Most recognize the glare

His talent and his work ethic

You knew he showed he cared

With the cold stare of the Mamba

With the will to get it done

He never quit when on the court

He fought until he won

This Laker played for twenty years

He made L.A. so proud

Opposing teams hated guarding him

Their frustration often loud

We all know about the Mamba

We marvel at his stats

His legacy, though, is so much more

In Life, he wore more hats

Husband, father, and a son

He loved his family

He made himself available

To his community

He coached his daughter on the court

Together they did die

So now in heaven they both play

While we all wonder “Why?”

A family they leave behind

Vanessa and three girls

Who now must love each other more

With love from all the world

The Mamba was a champion

To me he was the best

Amazing was his fadeaway

I hope in peace he rests.

In memorial to Kobe Bryant by Robert Cohen

Martin Luther King Jr.

“Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.”
― L.R. Knost

This picture speaks for itself. Taliesin Myrddin Namkai Meche was a good Samaritan who was stabbed to death on a Portland train defending two young girls. Taliesin’s mother, Asha Deliverance, can be seen below with one of the young girls from the train.

Love fiercely.

Reflection and Intention

New Year’s Day carries a current of renewal. Many of us are exhaling after a busy (and often less mindful) holiday season and looking forward to new resolutions and health pursuits! That said- I find it very useful to conduct a “Year In Review” using reflective questions in lieu of setting absolute resolutions. You can journal your thoughts and/or process with loved ones…

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

Writing Prompts: Reflection/Setting Intentions

2019

• Which of your personal qualities/gifts turned out to be the most helpful this year?

• Which new skills did you learn?

• Think of 2-3 moments that had a positive emotional impact and reflect on them.

• If you had to describe your 2019 in 3 words, what would they be?

• What new things did you discover about yourself?

• What single achievement are you most proud of?

• Which mental mindsets transformed?

• How did your significant relationships evolve/transform?

• What book or movie affected your life in a profound way?

• What little things did you most enjoy during your day-to-day life?

• Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life this year?

• What experience would you love to do all over again?

• What was the biggest problem you solved?

• What was the funniest moment of your year, one that still makes it hard not to burst out laughing when you think about it?

• What activities made you lose track of time?

• What topics did you most enjoy learning about?

• What new habits did you cultivate and/or eliminate?

2020

• What do you want to see, discover, explore? What are you curious about?

• Who do you want to spend more quality time with in 2020?

• What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?

• Which personal skill or habit do you want to develop or strengthen?

• Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid of?

• If you were developing a character in a video game, what qualities would you value?

Wishing you all a healthy and expansive 2020! Sarah Lynn

“Those who don’t know how to weep with their whole hearts don’t know how to laugh either.”

Golda Meir

Low Carb Thanksgiving

Below are a few low carb traditional Thanksgiving recipes to inspire you! All recipes are hyperlinked below the images.

Cranberry Sauce

Mashed Cauliflower

Sprouted Gratin

Stuffing

Gravy

Low Carb Crackers

Baked Brie

Pumpkin Pie and Whipped Cream