During this season, many of us are dancing with rapid lifestyle change and countless unknowns. Some are wired to thrive with changing currents while others can get stuck in an internal fear vortex. Some want to “solve the inner angst” so they stockpile toilet paper and build fortresses of beans and rice- all in an attempt to create a sense of safety and control. Fear turns on our primal brains.
“When we resist change, it’s called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into it’s dynamic quality, that’s called enlightenment.
― Pema Chödrön”
This fear can be paralyzing and does damage on numerous fronts. First of all, our myopic hoarding isolates us from community (us against all mentality) and secondly, our fear thoughts can produce acute physiological stress. We know staying in a positive mindset is essential if we want to stay physically healthy- so how do we stay out of the trance of fear? There is a simple answer…
Gratitude
When I was in seminary, a wise professor said this, “all brokenness in the world can be linked to lack of gratitude…”
This quote was shared in a class lecture and embedded in my psyche… and now, almost 20 years later, I still agree- just in much deeper ways.
“The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.
-Henri Nouwen”
So how do we cultivate gratitude? Many of our clients have integrated a Gratitude Journal into their morning routine. It sounds trite, but according to feedback, this practice has been a significant variable in changing mindset and disposition. Here is a great practical guide on creating a Gratitude Journal from UC Berkeley.
Cultivating gratitude leads to deeper appreciation, not only for what you have (including your body) but also the kindness others extend towards you. As appreciation deepens so does empathy. Getting out of your own story and extending a hand to another is a goodness elixir. It is a scientific fact that giving increases positive chemicals in your body. If you need proof, here is a summary on the Neuroscience of Giving from Psychology Today,
So in closing, I want to share a dose of personal gratitude. I grew up in Dryden, Michigan in a small cottage nestled in a rural historical park. The cottage included a wood burning stove, a vacant outhouse in the backyard, and an artesian well. My parents ran a very tight ship when we were young. I remember collecting refund “pop” cans in the park with my mom, cutting coupons, rolling pennies, and foraging for wild asparagus on the side of the road for dinner. Most of our toys and clothes were hand-me-downs and towels hung like curtains on the bathroom window, but we didn’t know any comparison- we had enough.
Although we had very little material wealth by American standards, we were raised with an abundant mindset and were taught the joy of giving from an early age. If you are not familiar with scarcity vs abundant mindset- here is a great summary of scarcity mentality- the thrust is that you never feel you “have enough”. In contrast- we wrapped up toys from our small stash at Christmas to give to kids in need; rescued every stray that came to our door in the dead of winter; and always waited in the back of the buffet line.
Both of my parents could have succumbed to scarcity mentality. My dad knew both what it felt like to go to bed hungry and what it felt like to sleep in a fox hole. My mom knew what it felt like to be homeless and nomadic as a young girl in the 60s. Both of them knew poverty, but instead of closing their fists and hoarding their goods, they extended their hands to neighbors and strangers.
My parents were not religious- there was no one watching. They weren’t earning accolades for their generosity. Rather-their actions and kindness came from a place of deep empathy: and I will be forever grateful to them for this modeling. I believe my life overflows with love and goodness because I have experienced this truth:
“Authentic spellbinding joy is derived from giving out and bathing in abundant gratitude for all you have been given…”
My heart breaks for those whose fear has blockaded this joy…If you find yourself caught in a trance of fear and tight fisted living, perhaps starting a Gratitude Journal and/or reaching out to someone in need is an important first step in getting out of your own way.
